How many people are frustrated by zippers right now?

My compañero Jesse here estimates he’s been frustrated by zippers for a total of 50 minutes in his lifetime. He figures there have been about 50 separate frustrating zipper events with an average of one minute each – some extra frustrating, some very brief.

Let’s assume that Jesse is an average person. Of course we could consider how some people in the world have never dealt with zippers, but there are also others who probably deal with zippers more often. Maybe not as many, but let’s pretend.

Jesse is 28.9 years old. That means he has lived for 28.9 years x 365 days x 24 hours x 60 minutes = 15,189,840 minutes. Jesse has lived for 15,189,840 minutes.

And 50 minutes as a percentage of his life would be 50 minutes / 15,189,840 minutes x 100% = 0.000329167391%. Screw sig figs.

So! Since Jesse has spent 0.000329167391% of his life frustrated by zippers, and Jesse is an average person, we can assume that 0.000329167391% of the people in this world are frustrated by zippers right now. Right? I think that’s right.

0.000329167391% x 7,267,700,801 people / 100 = 23,923 people.

There you have it. 23,923 people are frustrated by zippers right now. Can you believe it! That’s the entire population of Bushey. Bushey! Which is apparently a town in the Hertsmere borough of Hertfordshire in the East of England.

Did I do my math right? Who knows. Did Jesse estimate well? Probably not. Either way, an interesting look at zipper frustration. Zippers are a neat invention, but they can be a bitch.

Now go stock up on birth control. That number is moving up way too quickly.